Tuesday, 9 August 2016

When Love Turns a Stranger

I was a naïve, young girl, deeply in love with that someone who meant the world to me. All I knew was, love will give me a fairytale. It did but nothing lasted forever. 

One fine morning, I walked into the little, dainty office with a pounding heart full of excitement, nervousness, a bouquet of flowers and my very close girlfriends.
After an exchange of coy hellos, we were offered to sit. A gentle introduction of the lot followed through. It wasn’t far away when he opened his laptop to show his brand new, lavish house. Well, that jaw dropping beautiful house indeed screamed for vows and it took most of the time. Later, he offered us flavoured yogurt, perhaps to make us comfortable. We exchanged a minute on our whereabouts. It was a short visit and we left soon. I somehow didn’t get his vibes then; since I was too full to think straight. My friends were positive that he approved of me or they just said to make me happy. Yet, their words seemed like the final, joyous verdict. Enthusiastically I called him up with strong rays of hope and described my visit to his father. Though there wasn’t much to say but he just appreciated my efforts.

Somewhere deep in my heart, I never believed many things. I knew the visit wasn’t a success. Firstly, I didn’t portray any sophistication nor did I possess any breathtaking, natural beauty for anybody to fall head over heels at my sight. Secondly, I approved before he approved me. Thirdly, he couldn’t ask me personalized questions, thanks to my giggly girlies. Lastly, he had already taken his final decision and the visit was just to keep his son happy or maybe the son wanted to keep me happy. 

For reasons galore, my mind started evaluating and re-evaluating this strange visit. Somewhere it said, I shouldn’t have been there without his presence in town. I was simply giving all wrong conceptions right from the time I was with him. Things had never worked out smooth and the ball in my court kept hitting me hard over and over again. I never lived in fancy luxuries nor had I loved him to own one. Sad, but it is always a world, where only money and position does all the talking and taking. It is a world, where a girl’s character is decided by few nosy neighbours who know nothing. They are mere gossip mongers ever-ready to shatter someone else’s castle of dreams. It is a world where jealousy, suspicions and corrupt minds rule. And the ones who don’t know to play their cards well are striked out. 

The next visit to his aunt’s place gave me all the answers to the zillion doubts which buzzed around for days together. After the initial courtesy I was given the real picture. Yes, according to them this relationship shouldn’t survive long. I must take the final decision before it gets very late. It was quite apparent though they were pretty diplomatic about everything they had put forth. Yet, they said they liked me, I wonder why. I profusely thanked them for their time and kindness. I realized that I was waiting for someone who has a long list of to-dos for which he needs ample time to succeed. He couldn’t afford to be in relationships at least for the time being. He never wanted to be struggling with finance. He wasn’t ready to repeat histories. Finally, he loved his parents too much to go against them.

As for me, I was lost for a while. I was in the middle of nowhere. I understood his apprehensions and inhibitions. This was not the first time I was heartbroken but I was assured that this would be the last time. I didn’t look back. I let go everything, I had held on to, for a very long time. It’s useless to cling on to something which can never be yours. It was that time of my life for a new beginning. I just moved on, for whatever, better or worse. It takes courage but I was prepared for everything. Maybe in the heart of my hearts, I knew my happiness was destined to be in a different place and that place is where I belong. So I went ahead to build my dream world. We all have broken hearts not necessarily in love. The only way is to make peace with the past. We change as we grow. I believe that is the only thing which is constant. If the change is for good, the better it is.

I closed her diary with a lump in my throat. My constant change of houses always lead me to useless broomsticks, tattered mops, broken soap-dish, leaking taps, age-old pamphlets, dirty trays but never someone’s personal diary. It lay ignored in the heap of garbage about to be thrown away but that diary reckoned a calling. It was in distress but she had poured her heart and soul in it. And that was the only readable excerpt in her diary.       
She believed, love can exist if only her existence is valued. Can anybody love if they are taken for granted? That love eventually goes to someone else who desperately needs them, treasures them, cares for them. And for some, loves turns a stranger.                             

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