Sunday, 22 April 2018

Sudha says...

Disclaimer: Characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to persons living or dead, is purely coincidental. 

I am not an attractive face and many refer to me as a woman who came from the jungles – coarse and dark skinned, frizzy unmanageable hair, weird potato body structure, average height, thick lips and a big nose. I am not a brainy either that I can impress people even with my intelligence. When people see me with my husband, I am laughed at, more often mocked at, and asked a repetitive question – “Sudha, how did you manage to get hitched? Was it some black magic?”  

And somewhere in their deep-dark question, buried a bitter truth.

15 years have passed, I have no children and there isn’t any spark to the relationship I share with my husband, Shekhar. Marriage moved at a roller coaster speed, faking how beautiful and wonderful it is on the social media and elsewhere. 
But reality is always stranger than fiction, we say, and it is true. I am not good with words which makes it obvious that I can’t defend myself in many areas which serves as a catalyst to losing at almost every discussion I have with him. It just ends up in brutal arguments of getting this relationship nullified. I am blamed at every step of my life, I am made to feel how worthless I am because I couldn't even bear a child for his family, I am questioned at every argument verifying his position in my life. Buying clothes is considered an act of grave sin, asking for a leisure trip even once is slaughtered, butchered and banned, my water brimmed eyes are considered crocodile tears which never have an ounce of value and I am labelled a person who isn’t brought up properly by my parents. He has even went to the extent of doubting what my mother ate while she was carrying me. Once he spat on my face in his rage of anger and called me the biggest pain of his life, with no apologies later. He strongly feels I deserve it. He has often hurled abuses at my parents, especially my father maybe because he is a man of few words and doesn't fight but I know my father well, he leaves everything to Karma. 

Life goes on… I have always believed that nothing is permanent, and in time this too shall pass. Wounds heal with days, people change or some long lost people come back to give their Midas touch and turn everything into gold. 

But I still wonder,
Why don't we own our anger?
Why is the world beauty oriented?
Why is the world a male centric place? 
Why people who raise questions are silenced upon? 
Why are women degraded in whatever they do or say?  

Questions are endless... answers are hollow. We continue to live in the illusionary world of hope and happiness.  Some bravos walk out, some suffocate, others forgive and move on. 

#BlogToPM is an initiative by BlogAdda(India's biggest blogging platform). They started on Republic Day and end on Independence Day.

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