Her uncertainties were rational owing to the Sturm and Drang relationship we had always been through. I, unknowingly, found myself quite confused every time I plunged into a relationship with her. I never felt anything special when we were together, just that she loved me beyond boundaries and I felt loved in her company. I agree many a times, I took her for granted, maybe for the fact, that, she will be there for all my joyrides.
Once when she went away, breaking all the ties, I heaved a
sigh of relief. It was a celebration time with my buddies and how happily I had
announced my unloading of the extra-heavy baggage! Later out of nowhere, when the
emotional revolution activated inside my soul, it seemed endless. I realized,
she had somewhere become my strength and a pillar of support. More than her, it
was me, who craved her existence in my life. Frantically, I tried calling her from
every telephone booth and every friend’s phone since she constantly ignored my
number. Her cold, calm and composed behaviour terrorized every cell and every
nerve in my body. How could she not be perturbed! I was sure shot that she
couldn’t stop loving me in just a couple of weeks’ gap. When we had parted
ways earlier, she had madly tried every single way to get me back. She even
went to the extent of involving our friends to comprehend and evaluate my
innermost feelings. Of course, she was never the recipient of wonderful reviews
but her love was unconditional, so be it! But then, after weeks and months of going our ways, there I was, like a foolish
guy running up and down, drowning in the pool of liquor, sending her more than
100 “I LOVE YOU” and “SORRY” text messages late in the night without being the
beneficiary of even a single acknowledgement. It was a nightmare phase, which
had eventually got over.
So, after our short-lived conversation, she looked at me for
the one last time with her kind eyes, those genuine soft looks and heartfelt
prayers - to venture-adventure into a new land, for my dreams to come true and
compensate for the several encountered criticisms and failures. We separated
with promises to keep forever as we both turned and went towards our path. I still
carried my doubts and she, her apprehensions.
Along the way, we never met, I should be blamed but
honestly, longing still lingers. It is apparently veiled with priorities and
responsibilities. Today as I sit on my huge arm chair, in the comfort of my luxurious
mansion, overlooking a posh garden, my silver hair shinning in the moonlight, with
two failed marriages to credit, children and a huge gang of grandchildren
visiting occasionally but expecting lavish gifts in return, this particular innocent
memory rejuvenates me. The last day in that city where my childhood is still alive,
the feelings of my college sweetheart and her last glance, is as fresh as a morning dew drop…I regret for what I did but
believe it or not…she always brings back my lost smile.
Memoirs keep us sane, so everyone says. I was listening to
this number from BEATLES called “Yesterday” and the lyrics played catalyst to
revive the most untouched memories of all. For the reason, it always left me
with guilt and remorse, hence, safely kept it hidden in the deepest, darkest
corner of my heart.
No comments:
Post a Comment